Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
