were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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