I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
