we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
