remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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