Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
