Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
