I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
