She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
