4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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