We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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