so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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