David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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