I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
