The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
