i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
