My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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