I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
