Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
