No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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