who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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