Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she looked like the before picture.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
