I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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