remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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