what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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