her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
