It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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