I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
