im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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