you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
