$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
