her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
