he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
