I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Rumble strips road head = magical
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
