i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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