she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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