His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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