He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
