i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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