At least make sure they are 18
Why
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i now understand why vodka
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
