I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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