please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
