haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
