I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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