oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
