At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
