I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
