called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
