do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
