I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's always time for handjobs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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